Remembrance
by Sakura Usagi
Summary: Draco thinks back to the night when he lost everything. Slash warning. hpdm, rwhg kinda angsty, very short. please r


Remembrance  
  
By Sakura Usagi  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy belong to J.K. Rowling, this  
story is for entertainment purposes only and no money is made from it  
  
A.N. Please review as I haven't decided whether or not to make just a short  
sappy little thing or turn it into a longer fic  
  
I can still see you, the way you were. Your pale body stretched taunt above me, eyes half lidded with desire. Even then I could see it. The love you showed so clearly. I only wish that I could have been so open, but years of hiding behind walls aren't conducive to opening up oneself so easily. I was afraid you would break my heart.an irrational fear, I know. I told as best I could without actually saying it, with every line of my body and the glow of my eyes. I only hope you saw.before. We had two years, two years full of love and desire, and the most intense emotions I've ever been gifted with. For that, I thank you.  
And then it was shattered. Because he came. Voldemort. My memory is sill filled with holes of that night, but I cam remember bits and pieces. We were about to sit down to dinner; there was a knock on the door. I had thought it was Ron and Hermione, you had convinced them to come to dinner. I opened the door and there he was, it shouldn't have been possible. We were using the same spell that had hid your parents. Ron was our secret keeper, he would never have told. At least not under normal circumstances, Voldemort had found him earlier that night, and tortured him. For hours, probably the entire day he hadn't given in, but at one point it was just too much. And our secret keeper let the secret out. Ron didn't recover for almost nine months, we were all afraid that he would end up like Neville's parents. Mad and locked away forever in St.Mungo's. But that would come later. After that night. I had opened the door and there was Voldemort. Perhaps the night might have played out differently but my wand was too far away, lying on the kitchen table. And instead of just killing me he wanted to do it with his own hands, he had lifted me off the ground with one hand and though I struggled, I hadn't made a sound. I was resolved not to let him know you were there.  
But then you walked in from the kitchen into the dining room a glass bowl full of the night's salad. When it broke upon the floor it was as though I could hear again. You seemed to reverberate full of the anger within you, and I. I only looked at you, and in that moment all of my walls came crashing down. I said those three small words. I'm not sure that you heard, but I think so because your eyes softened ever so slightly before icing over once more. The blackness that had been seeping in from the corners of my eyes engulfed me and I fell to floor. The last things that I remember are Voldemort's high pitched cackling laugh and the sounds of your duel.  
I didn't come to until they had me at St.Mungo's. Even then, I slept for almost three days. Hermione was the one who had found me, it turned out that she had been gone for most of the day and come home to find Ron nearly dead, she had barely gotten him to St.Mungo's when Ron's message became clear. ' He knows where they are, he knows about Harry.' She found me outside the ruins of our house. No sign of you, nor him. Just the smoldering ruins, my body and the evidence of your duel. We waited four months. Four months for something anything but there was just a silence that did not end. There was a funeral for you, only a few people knew, so it was a small affair. It was for closure more than anything. I didn't cry, I think that if I had started, I never would have stopped. I could only ever cry with you anyway, it just didn't seem right to cry for you. I was numb.nothing really seemed to register.  
I visit your grave as often as work allows. I've gone back to work at the ministry as an Auror. They've gifted me with an order of Merlin first class.I killed or captured more than thirty death eaters and dark wizards.they call it justice. For me it's retribution. Dumbledore has offered me a job at Hogwarts as a teacher...Defense against the dark arts. I'm going to take it. Would you believe that it's been two years? They seem like the longest of my life. I think that its finally starting to sink in that you are gone. Truly gone. I think that if I acknowledge that fact.that I might start screaming and not be able to stop. I can hope you see, because they never found a body. I can hope that you're still alive. It would hurt but anything is better than this.I don't truly live anymore. I'm just here...making it from day to day, hour-to-hour, minute to minute. Without you.it's just not worth it. Everything has lost its meaning. You told me before the war had started.when we first became lovers that you loved me. I thought you mad, maybe you finally came to your senses and are living in the states somewhere. I don't know there isn't much I can do, but I can say the one thing I never could when you were here. I Love You. With every fibre of my being. Now, forever, always.  
  
Finis 


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